I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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