Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
