PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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