The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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