I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
