the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
