hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
