And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
