Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
