I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
