he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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