So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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