My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
