my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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