I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
