What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
