why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
