Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i'm inner monologue high
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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