Screwed.edu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my poor anus
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
