one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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