hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
