Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
