i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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