So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
