How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
