you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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