im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
