I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
