i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
