He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
