then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
