if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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