just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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