def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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