When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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