dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
