I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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