I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
