We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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