I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
