I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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