I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
