you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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