Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
