Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
