Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
