I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's rum buckets o'clock
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
