Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
