i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
