I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
