Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
