please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
