I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
