i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
