Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
