what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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