yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
