Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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