So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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