After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
