This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
