Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
