Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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