I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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