Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to make out with him forever
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
