don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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