Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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