Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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