it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
