He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
