wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
