rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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