I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
