dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
