you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
