we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
