hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's shark week go big or go home
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
