My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
