you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
